practicing non-reactivity

February 15, 2012 2 Comments

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a moment, but before I began 40 Days, I felt kind of like this (in my head, not out loud) at times of really high stress:

Each week has a theme: week 1 is presence (bringing the idea of being present to your practice on and off the mat), week 2 is vitality (enriching your life with people/foods/things that bring you vitality and energy and letting go of resentment) and week 3 (the one I’m on now) is equanimity (maintaining peace of mind and practicing non-reactivity).

So reactivity relates to how you react to something that happens to you or something you’re doing — like screaming like Jenelle, dropping into child’s pose instead of trying an inversion, slowing down your pace because it’s uncomfortable, snapping at someone because they were rude to you, etc. All of those examples are negative and don’t get you to your goal or help you maintain a healthy, peaceful emotional state.

Non-reactivity got me through a tough situation last week (and I hadn’t even read the week 3 chapter yet), but it’s been a challenge this week, off the mat at least. I’ve been thinking a lot about how it can help my running — being less lazy when it comes to workouts, actually doing speedwork and not reacting when it’s uncomfortable.

I ran 4 miles yesterday, with no intention of going fast, but after running the first mile in 8:50, the last three had to be faster, of course. And then with 1.5 left, I had a perfect opportunity to practice non-reactivity: I almost got hit by a car.

I was at a stoplight, waiting for the light to turn so I could cross. The light turned red and a car came barreling through the intersection, nearly hitting the other cars whose light was green. They honked and slammed on their brakes. I could tell before I crossed that they weren’t going to stop, so I stepped back, threw my middle fingers at them and screamed, “it’s a fucking red light you asshole!”

It’s February, it was barely 40 degrees, I’m sure they didn’t hear me, but I was wearing a bright yellow vest, so they had to have seen me.

I was pissed for the next minute or so. Hoping they’d get pulled over (25 mph speed limit, residential area), hoping karma would get them, etc. But then I realized how I was reacting to the situation — I wasn’t letting it go, I couldn’t stop the driver from being dangerous and driving recklessly. I hadn’t died and I couldn’t change the situation.

 There was no need for me to react that way to it. The same way there’s no need for me to be pissed about my knee injury, berate myself for not being able to do an inversion yet or be unhappy that my boyfriend isn’t here. There’s nothing I can do about those situations but accept them and move on and keep running.

We have to pass through what is messy and sometimes painful if we are to get to the bliss on the other side.

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friday favorites

February 10, 2012 2 Comments

It’s definitely been one of those weeks. Nothing work related for once, but some pretty shitty things happened to me this week. I learned a few important lessons this week — definitely having the smallest wedding I can possibly have when the time comes and life is way to f’ing short to waste my time being unhappy/upset/annoyed/angry all the time. It’s time to step back and show some gratitude for the good things in my life.

Yoga. If it weren’t for 40 days and my daily practice, I don’t know how I would have made it through this week without a meltdown. I even did a 15 minute stress-relief practice on my break at work the other day. It was a way to keep myself centered and calm and not lose my cool. Because trust me, I definitely could have at more than one point this week. I took a 90-minute power vinyasa yesterday and it was one of those days where I just decided to push myself to my “edge” and go farther. I got out of my comfort zone and it was challenging, but so satisfying.

Oh and I landed this pose and more importantly held it for the first time ever on Monday:

Running. I ran six lovely with running club on Wednesday night. My knee rubbed close to the end, but other than that, it was pretty awesome. Not getting my hopes up yet, but it was great.

My friends. My running friends are great. My work friends are great. And my blog friends are freaking awesome. I got to one point the other day where I tweeted this (without really thinking, I’m going for less snark and more namaste nowadays):

I still haven’t had the chance to talk to him or anything, but it’s OK. I’ve had some pretty great friends there to listen to me, offer advice  and help me remember what’s important in life.

Good bad TV. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Last night was Jersday and Teen Mom 2 on Tuesday definitely brightened my night lol.

What are you thankful for this week?

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expecting a different result

February 9, 2012 6 Comments

Sunday, I came home from work to find my mom at her computer recording narration for a Powerpoint presentation she made for one of her Master’s courses.

For some reason, it kept cutting off her recordings and changing the slides earlier than she had timed. Before my run (in shorts!) that afternoon, I probably listened to her say the same thing over and over for a good two hours. I offered some help, but was unsuccessful and eventually, I left to go to my friend’s house to watch the Super Bowl.

When I got home nearly five hours later, she was still at the computer… recording over and over. I didn’t ask if she had tried anything differently from before or if she had called a classmate for help (my google efforts didn’t make any difference), but I do know that for a good chunk of time, she was doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, but instead hitting the same wall.

I hadn’t really thought that much of it until now — sitting here, thinking about my knee injury and my frustration with the fact that I keep getting hurt. Two years ago, I had a calf injury that put me out for the month of February and a few months later, I did something to my foot and I can no longer fully bend my big toe (yes, this is when I ran my first half marathon). Then last year, it was plantar fasciitis and now stupid runner’s knee.

Oddly, all of these injuries have been to my left side (I’m right handed), but through yoga, I’ve found I can stretch much deeper into my left side and it’s my more flexible side. Weird.

But here’s the thing, like my mom on Sunday, I keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I kept pushing, pushing, pushing, running more miles, getting faster, longer distances and expecting to not burn out and get hurt.

Maybe I should just stop heel striking....

So now here I am, questioning what I can do differently? What can I change? What should I take away? What can I add?

I have a few ideas:

  • New shoes: The only time I wasn’t suffering any injuries (or on my way to one) was when I would switch up between my Nike Frees and regular shoes. After getting plantar fasciitis, I fell back into just wearing a neutral cushioned shoe. Maybe it’s time to get the minimal shoes back into the rotation.
  • Losing weight: Let’s be honest, I can stand to lose a few pounds. I’m shooting for just 10 (and yes, losing weight while training for a race is possible. It just happens very, very slowly. If you gain weight while training for a marathon, then you need to clean up your nutrition. For real, you should be eating enough to maintain your current weight while training.)
  • Strength training: Without it, I wouldn’t have gotten through my injuries last summer and gotten to Chicago. I need to get this back into my routine.
  • Continuing my yoga practice: In just a week and a half, my 40 days of yoga practice has made a huge difference already — not just mentally and emotionally, but physically as well. I feel stronger and more flexible (most of the time, ha) and I’m dealing with stress and problems in my life in a much more calm and rational way, rather than just being a snarky bitch. I can’t say I will continue to practice with the quantity and intensity that I am now, but if I can continue to attend at least one class a week as well as practice at home a few days a week after the 40 days is over, I think it’ll help with the direction I see my life going.

That’s all I plan on starting with. We’ll see how it goes.

What do you do to stay injury free?

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slow burn to yin workshop review

February 5, 2012 6 Comments

In all my I’m-an-injured-runner-yoga-is-awesome-ness, I decided it would be a great idea to take a slow burn to yin yoga workshop at Cleveland Yoga on Friday night.

I’ve never in my life tried yin before, nor did I really know exactly what it was, but it is taught by one of my favorite instructors, Amy Schneider (who led the local Salutation Nation 2011 class I went to in September) so I was in. Becca wrote about yin yoga as a guest post here too while I was on vacation with the LT.

The workshop was the first in a series of eight classes for the winter and spring. It was held in the hot room at CY and the temperature was kept over 90 degrees. The class started out with a 45 minute slow burn vinyasa practice. So we went through a traditional vinyasa sequence (the yang), only slightly slower, before complementing the practice with 60 minutes of a yin practice. In a yin practice, you hold poses anywhere from 3-60 minutes at a time (yes, 6-0) and the practice helps to work the connective tissues which in turn heals joints and improves flexibility.

We didn’t hold any poses for that long, although you’re supposed to practice stillness in each pose and be present (hm, who knew), not fidget and just breathe naturally.

Even the slow burn vinyasa was difficult for me. I have trouble not fidgeting and adjusting a pose until I feel it’s right — I’m so used to the constant, repetitive movement of running and rushing through tasks every day that I’m not used to slowing down, being present and appreciating the moment for what it is.

And just when I was getting into the vinyasa and getting used to slowing down each sun salutation, the 45 minutes was over and we were moving from horse pose to our first yin pose — frog.

OMG.

Ouch.

Surprisingly, I tried my hardest to focus on stillness and my breath and as the yin practice went on, holding a pose (which increased in difficulty), it became much much easier. We held each pose for at least three minutes, some may have been as much as five, but I’m not 100 percent sure. I had to concentrate more on being less reactive and just holding the pose.

I left the workshop feeling more open, centered and definitely wanting to do a yin practice again.

 

Cleveland Yoga will be offering seven more slow burn to yin workshops on specific dates from now until May. The cost of one is $25 (which is what I did) or you can buy a package of four for $75 (which is what I should’ve done). For more, check out their website.

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so I need to cross train…

January 30, 2012 9 Comments

I don’t know what it is about winter that leaves me feeling down, unmotivated, up a few pounds and usually injured.

This year has been no different.

It’s always been in my nature to ask a lot of questions — why am I feeling this way? How can I make such and such work? What should I do with my life? Why am I not getting faster? Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I get into crow?

(those last two questions may be related. Or I’m just scared of balancing poses and can’t let go of the fear of falling.)

Running is usually the answer to any questions I have, but lately, it’s been leaving me with more questions than answers. I’m not at the greatest point in my life (or the worst, life’s not so bad. I’m grateful for what I have), and the one thing that I can always count on to make me feel better, more in the moment and like everything’s going to be OK was starting to leave me feeling overwhelmed, stressed and injured. And not only that, other areas of my life have been full of stress and fatigue and running wasn’t giving me the same stress relief that it used to — a sign of burn out.

Since the trauma to my knee at Regis, jumping right into Mohican training had to take a step back and I’ve been looking more toward my (new) yoga mat to help me get more of what I look for out of exercise and fitness. (I know what’s wrong with the knee, it simply needs some rest, reduced mileage and fewer downhills. Only one race on my calendar is questionable, but other than that, I don’t really want to talk about it or dwell on it).

Last Monday, I went to a late afternoon hot yoga class at Cleveland Yoga with Terri. I haven’t been doing much yoga before recently, but my legs and hips are in desperate need of some stretching and strengthening and I’m a complete idiot for not taking my last injury as a sign I should slow down and keep stretching and doing other activities. While I was there, I noticed a poster advertising the “40 Days to Personal Revolution” program, based on the book by Baron Baptiste. According to the studio’s website, this is a basic rundown of what the program includes:

Daily yoga practice; Ways to cleanse your body; Daily meditation practice; Journaling questions to root out limiting beliefs and patterns.

Sounds awesome, right? I thought about it the entire class. The only hangup for me is the price tag. Though I’d be able to meet with the group and practice unlimited yoga for the entire 40 days, I’m still sticking to my commitment towards saving money this year (so ignore those lululemon pants I bought yesterday…)

After class that Monday, I joined Alicia and a few other Cleveland Marathon bloggers for dinner in Independence. Alicia blogged about it today, so check it out. Since Alicia is starting YTT soon at Nishkama Yoga, I told her about the program and asked for her thoughts. She suggested just buying the book myself and doing it alone. Sure I’d be losing out on the experience of the group, but I can use that few hundred bucks for more yoga (and not limit myself to one studio either) and the lululemon jacket I had to talk myself out of buying yesterday… and new brakes for my car… And if I need someone to talk to what I’m learning/experiencing, I have Alicia (ha, sorry for not asking first) as well as plenty of other friends who may listen to me and well, this blog that I can pretty much post whatever I want.

So I went home that night and bought the book on iTunes and read everything up to the first week in two days.

I started today.

I don’t plan on blogging all about it, just pieces here and there that I think will be beneficial or interesting to you.

I’m still running, though not as much and focusing more on getting healthy and making it to the start (and finish!) line of Mohican (while not wearing a shirt). We’ll see how it all shows on my chip times. But the point is for me to learn and grow as a person. To evaluate my life, and to “unlearn.” I have my whole life to run a fast marathon and a ton of ultras. I’m doing what I can right now.

“There are no riches greater than a sound body.”

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being in the present

January 18, 2012 4 Comments

Two days post marathon and I had yet to run. For some reason, my thighs were still reeling from the race Sunday, though my knee I fell on and the ankle I kept rolling were fine the following day. I decided to play it safe and let my first run back be with the Striders tonight.

Before the race, I decided on two goals for Mohican (both of which coincide with the fitness goals I set for myself a few months ago):

  1. Finish.
  2. Run the race in a sports bra.

So that means I need to get to work on my core strength and do some consistent ab work. And you know, go back to picking up a weight and lifting it myself. Not handing it to a client.

I decided to start with a 75-minute hot yoga class this morning at Cleveland Yoga. I’m going to be honest, I really struggled at the beginning of the class. Early on in the class, the instructor said something about breathing and being in the present in the practice. Yoga instructors say that kind of thing all of the time, but for some reason today, I really dwelled on it and thought about it the entire class.

Of course, I kept thinking of this:

I tried my best to focus only on the pose I was doing at that moment, moving with intention and giving it my best, not just going through the motions.

I left the class feeling more calm, relaxed and like I had just gotten my butt kicked with planks and several balance poses.

The more I think about being in the present, the more I want to make it a standard practice of mine in life and in my fitness endeavors. It seems as if my life lately has been more about where I am going, not how I’m getting there. I’m constantly talking/thinking about the next thing, whether it be a job, wedding planning dreaming (I’m not engaged…), apartment (though that is in the next like six months, I should get on that), racing, Badwater, etc.

I don’t know if I’m just mentally putting my life on hold right now, waiting for winter to end and October to roll around and the LT to come home and giving myself things to look forward to, or if I’m just doing a terrible job at focusing.

Either way, I’m about to start a really huge endeavor. I have no answers or way to try and focus on the present all of the time, but I’m going to try. I know there are moments I’m going to hate. Times I wish I hadn’t signed up for the Pig or Cleveland or Mohican. Days when I’d rather just lay in bed and sleep than go outside and run or work or whatever. But if showing up, taking the moment in and being present can add even some value, strength or fulfillment to my life, I’ll give it a shot.

I guess you can say I’ll try a little less bitching and a lot more namaste :)

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Salutation Nation 2011

September 12, 2011 3 Comments

Saturday morning, I attended Salutation Nation 2011 sponsored by lululemon. It was a celebration of yoga and every lululemon store across the U.S. and Canada participated in a huge outdoor event at 9 a.m. their local time.

Here in CLE, I was excited to finally get to practice yoga outside. But unfortunately, the weather wasn’t so kind and we were relocated to an indoor space at Eton Collection. Of course, the lemons thought ahead and picked an empty store, which ended up being an awesome space.

As I mentioned Friday, the class was led by Amy Schnieder of Cleveland Yoga. There were several other yogis on deck to help guide us on form — which turned out to be really awesome.

(Alicia took pics and posted on Facebook. Yeah, I stole it :) I’m in the middle…getting some help with a pose)

I should probably also add I don’t practice yoga that often. Good classes at a low price are hard to find and fit within my schedule and budget, so if I can go to a free class, I take the opportunity. And with marathon training and strength training, I’m not the most flexible person in the world. My hips are tight and a lot of the poses I can’t get into comfortably like others because of how little I do. But I had a really awesome moment during class — I got into wheel without having to rest on the top on my head. Yeah, I had help and encouragement, but it was one of those things that was like, “yeah I can actually do this!”

The vinyasa flow was followed by a 15 minute meditation, which was so relaxing and really helped me feel awesome and full of love for the rest of the day.

Afterward, we mingled and snacked on yummy open face veggie sandwiches, soup and juice from the Chubby Cook. (If you’re on the Eastside, check them out! Such an awesome lunch spot!)

Writing about it again reminds me of what an awesome decision it was to go! I was feeling relaxed, happy and full of love all day. I need to hit up yoga more often :)

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